part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
