shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
