You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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