Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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