explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
