Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
