My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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