Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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