i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
