did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
