I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
