By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
