Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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