Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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