I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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