I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
