I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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