I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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