chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
