I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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