I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
