mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
