meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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