You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
