Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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