Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
