hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
