he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
