we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
