My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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