Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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