did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
