you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
