Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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