Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
