Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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