Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
