I wish I could punch you in the face.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
