in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
