I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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