I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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