Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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