The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
