There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
