i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
