I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
