I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
