About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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