I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
