Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
