I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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