at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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