last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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