I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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