oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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