I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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